Tough couple of Months

 

June 30, 2024

Journal Entry-this week I'm just posting my journal entry.  Some of it is a little bit personal (sorry).

So early this week, the sickness and cough did not get a lot better.  I couldn’t sleep at night and was just dragging all the time.  I finally went to Insta Care on Thursday and was told I had a post-viral cough that had settled in my lungs—like bronchitis. They gave me an inhaler to expand the lung capacity so I could get rid of the junk out of my lungs.  It worked magic over the next 24 hours and I finally was able to sleep at night.  But I was still tired and today (Sunday) is the first day I’ve felt almost totally better.  Just a little cough and a little head congestion still, but sooo much better.  They said at the clinic that this was a 10-14 day virus and a lot of people were affected.  Sister Badger had it  for a couple of weeks before we went to Valdez. 

So this week was pretty much a total write-off for doing much of our job.  Carolee kept way busy, while I slept. We got to FHE for part of it, and went to the Institute Bldg on Tuesday and Class on Thursday night.  But I wasn’t myself and felt a little discombobulated.  Today at church was better and we had a big group there.  there was a linger longer after using the food from a two-ward YSA campout where they planned for 120 and only 40 showed up.  So left-over hamburgers, chips for all.  And YSAs love free food! And good company!

This is a beautiful valley up Hatcher's Pass where we went on our side by side winter adventure on my birthday.

Now, the last couple of months, I have not been totally myself.  I think my self-confidence is still bruised a bit because of my nose cancer surgery and the subsequent other issues it has caused.  It is not healing up as it should and is still bleeding in several spots. The “I had skin cancer” answer I give to people, relieves a lot of scrutiny, but now I have no idea who knows and who doesn’t know.  I still see people staring, and when I’m doing my thing, I just don’t feel the confidence I had before. I thought that a month later it would be a lot better.  This has been going on since the biopsy on May 2^nd.  I have had a bandage and inflammation on my nose since then.  It kind of makes me crazy.  And I hate talking about it too because I don’t like that kind of attention.  So, I have been in this internal war in my brain: “what happened to his nose?”  “It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks… Christ should be the source of your self-confidence.  Nothing else nor anyone else matters!”  But that is easier to say to myself than it is to believe it and act that way.  I am a good actor sometimes, so I don’t think anyone else but Carolee would know how it affects me, and she is so part of me that she just doesn’t see it.  She doesn’t even see if I’ve walked out of the house into public without a bandage on my nose.  If only we were all that way…just not seeing anything but the person that you love.  This issue isn’t new as I’ve battled nose diseases my entire adult life. 

But then, as we pulled up to Institute on Thursday night, I had the most interesting thought.   I heard me say to myself in my best coach-speech, motivational behavior talk, “Ok Elder Cox, it’s time, get your game face on and lets go to work”.  And all of a sudden, I knew that what I have been doing since I got here was really what I was here to do! Its like I knew it, but it was as if it were clarified for me in my mind, kind of like a stroke of intelligence or light or revelation.  And this is what I do: I talk to people, mostly YSAs, make relationships, build them up, be positive with them, laugh with them, ask them questions, learn about them and let them talk of their plans and dreams, listen to them,  talk to them in small groups, work the room, introduce kids to each other, find the lonely, help them feel confident about themselves, listen to them, be a sounding board, give my feedback and opinion, bear my testimony, share life lessons with my stories, listen to them and LOVE them.  Me, being able to do this, I believe is a gift or a talent that I have developed and worked hard at over the years, in business settings, in Church settings and family settings.  It is hard for me to do, because that is not how my personality is naturally, but I know from whence the gift/talent came and it has benefitted both me and others I’m convinced. 

Sure, I/we do other things too:  we invite them to participate, we feed them, we help the Institute teachers manage the classes, we plan activities with the Institute Council, we go to the temple with them, but mostly we are there with them.  The investment of, or sacrifice of time is critical in relationships.  Some of them don’t need us, some don’t notice us but somehow, (we know how) we intersect in their lives when they need it.  All of this interaction is either one-on-one, in small groups, in front of a class, participating in a class, at activities, etc.  during the which, I am in close physical proximity to them.  And that proximity is what has hindered me for the last couple of months. 

As we’ve now entered the last 3 months of our mission, I’ve been pondering if there is something else, we need to be doing.  Now I know.  I will keep doing what I’ve been sent here to do, let the bandage be damned (as in cease to progress or have an effect 😊).

And now that I am feeling close to 100%, it’s time to not hold back and work the room with the confidence in Christ that he will uphold me.  It feels good to feel good physically again and to feel that motivation again.  Have I wasted two months of my mission?  Absolutely not! I think it has been a lesson that I needed to learn or re-learn.  It’s not like I just stopped doing my job, I just felt self-conscious and down on myself.  And last night, I again felt the confirmation of the spirit giving me additional assurance that we are where we need to be, doing what we need to be doing and accomplishing what He has asked us to do. 

We love you all who read this, hope you have a

great week!